Tuesday, June 01, 2010


Taken about 5 years ago with my sister

Well, half a year has passed since my mom passed away from cancer. Time flies so quickly but for us, me and my sister, it seemed like years since she did... it feels like it's been years since I haven't seen her or talked to her. 

It's not really easy to cope with the lose. No matter how much time flies. I have a friend who lost her dad from cancer the same year, month and week as my mom. And people around her would say, just remember the happy days you had with your dad. But for those who experienced what we have, it's not so easy to remember the happy days yet. All I can remember is how much pain my mom was enduring during the chemo and the fights I had with my mom while in the hospital whenever she wanted to pull of the needle in her arm.

She passed away last November, and for the 3 months prior to that, it was constantly fighting. I couldn't help it. Maybe because I didn't want to see my mom so weak... or didn't want to even think the possibility that she won't be cured and passes away but I would fight with her so she would eat, or try to make her to walk on her own.... and so on.

The last 2 weeks, she was only in bed. Laying there, not being able to move much, rarely talked... my sister and I took care of her, and I don't know if Chloe knew, being just a baby and all, but she didn't cry for her mom, she would just play on her own.

On November 16, Monday morning, my dad came into our room, while we were sleeping saying mom's not doing good. I rushed to her room and was holding her hand... looking at her, she couldn't breathe well.... and within few minutes, she stopped.... breathing.... without even saying a word.

I am the youngest in the family, and I confide in my mom and she's like my best friend so the lose and the pain is so huge that I still can't believe she's gone. I wished that she would have said something before she passed away and I sometimes wish that when I wake up, she would be in her room.

Life really goes on. No matter how much I miss my mom, and how much I would rather stay in bed and cry, life has to go on. I live with my dad, sister and niece. I have to take care of them as my sister takes care of us. Having a baby in the house helps. Sometimes it helps to forget about her death for a while. She brings laughter to our home. And thanks to her, I have pictures of mom, and videos. Mom never really liked to have her picture taken but she would with Chloe. I can now look at those and remember her... before she lost all her hair and got really thin.

A reminder for those who still have their mom.... and dad... sometimes they irritate you with their scoldings and "butting-in" in all the things you do. You should be appreciative that they are doing that because they want the best for you and you will surely miss them when they are gone.

Mom teaching chloe to walk


  1. You have the right to say too that for those who experience the same, it is not easy to remember the happy days yet.

    But at least you are aware of the fact that life goes on. Somehow, you have to find coping mechanisms so you can move on.

    Be merry.


  2. hehe am trying to focus myself in something so I will not be too depressed such as writing blogs, make ups or US TV. :D

  3. :'( I'm super sorry.

  4. Hey, a little off-topic. Eun Sang looked great in that photo. :)

  5. yup yup... before she had chloe, she was really slim and pretty

  6. She's pretty even if she's not slim. Make her grow her hair again like that! :)

  7. i agree! it's really so hard i could die and it's really not that easy... i guess even several years would pass, the pain of losing loved ones would still be there.. maybe forever... i know.. coz i lost my parents last year.. just 3 months interval.. so sad! =(
    you're still lucky, you still have your dad